Humorous Quotes

"I have seen those symptoms before," said Holmes, throwing his cigarette into the fire. "Oscillation upon the pavement always means an affaire de coeur." ~ A Case of Identity

Share this Quote


"You interest me very much, Mr. Holmes. I had hardly expected so dolichocephalic a skull or such well-marked supra-orbital development. Would you have any objection to my running my finger along your parietal fissure? A cast of your skull, sir, until the original is available, would be an ornament to any anthropological museum. It is not my intention to be fulsome, but I confess that I covet your skull." ~ The Hound of the Baskervilles

Share this Quote


Sir, he said -- and his writing looked like a barbed wire fence -- I observe that you animadvert upon the trifle that my letter was undated. Might I draw your attention to the fact that, as some return for a monstrous taxation, our Government is in the habit of affixing a small circular sign or stamp upon the outside on the envelope which notifies the date of posting? ~ When the World Screamed

Share this Quote


"I am engaged in answering that Italian buffoon, Mazotti, whose views upon the larval development of the tropical termites have excited my derision and contempt . . ." ~ The Disintegration Machine

Share this Quote


"There seems to me to be absolutely no limit to the inanity and credulity of the human race. Homo Sapiens! Homo idioticus!" ~ The Land of Mist

Share this Quote


"Here you are, doggy! Good old Toby! Smell it, Toby, smell it!" He pushed the creasote handkerchief under the dog's nose, while the creature stood with its fluffy legs separated, and with a most comical cock to its head, like a connoisseur sniffing the bouquet of a famous vintage. ~ The Sign of The Four

Share this Quote


"Might I trouble you to open the window, for chloroform vapour does not help the palate." ~ His Last Bow

Share this Quote


Of all the great battles in which I had the honour of drawing my sword for the Emperor and for France there was not one which was lost. At Waterloo, although, in a sense, I was present, I was unable to fight, and the enemy was victorious. It is not for me to say that there is a connection between these two things. You know me too well, my friends, to imagine that I would make such a claim. But it gives matter for thought, and some have drawn flattering conclusions from it. ~ The Adventures of Gerard

Share this Quote


Goresthorpe Grange is a feudal mansion - or so it was termed in the advertisement which originally brought it under my notice. Its right to this adjective had a most remarkable effect upon its price, and the advantages gained may possibly be more sentimental than real. Still, it is soothing to me to know that I have slits in my staircase through which I can discharge arrows; and there is a sense of power in the fact of possessing a complicated apparatus by means of which I am enabled to pour molten lead upon the head of the casual visitor. ~ Selecting a Ghost

Share this Quote


Brothers are a blessing for one thing. There is no possibility of any young lady getting unreasonably conceited if she be endowed with them. ~ Our Derby Sweepstakes

Share this Quote


36 Humorous quotes found! Use the links below to see them all.

Select a Page
<<Previous 1 2 3 4 Next>>